so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
