She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
