Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize