The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
We left an ass print on the piano.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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