Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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