I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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