I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you never un-have a 4some
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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