Well apparently he's into motor boating.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
