he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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