your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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