I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
