On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
