I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
