Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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