you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
