I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
