It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
