It's Friday. Sex?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
