we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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