Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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