I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
