**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
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why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
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you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
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