Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize