just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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