Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I need to stop coming to work sober
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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