I cannot find my penis.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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