he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize