Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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