I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
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