im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize