i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
