Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
