i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
