Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Randomize
