apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
