Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
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