I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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