I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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