I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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