Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
