He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.