sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?