Jerry, you need to find god
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"