How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
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