I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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