I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
