oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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