i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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