I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
