Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
