Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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