turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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