Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Also, beer. Big fan.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
