Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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