One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
