Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
