Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
