# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
