my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
